I wrote this shortly after my Dad died in May of 1998.
My Dad died. We buried him this last Tuesday. The
preacher at the funeral used Dad's death as a springboard for his deluded
agenda of salvation only through Jesus. He said almost nothing about my
Dad. (Perhaps he knew of my background as a former minister and was extra
full of trying to offset my beliefs) But, this pained me no end,
especially, since a long time friend of his from next door was there as
Dad's pallbearer. This good neighbor has never been a church goer and
never will be. I was embarrassed.
Prior to this and only a day or so after Dad's death, I
was surprised by the emotions coming up--specifically anti-Jesus and
anti-Church stuff. As the whole family gathered at the funeral, I looked
around and realized that all my immediate family are very strong
Christians...I am the sole heretic. I then began writing in my journal on
this subject at that time, but it had long been on my heart and mind to
begin this process. Dad's death just speeded up my desire to write. So it
was that I began to delve into the reasons why I had become so anti-Jesus
and anti-Christian. I guess, having felt emotionally raped by the
preacher's foolishness Jesus tirade, I decided to sit down and write up a
more formal statement about my anti-Jesus thinking. Here is the gist of
it:
Fundamental Christian religion is not very logical. I
am supposed to believe in a character who lived 2000 years ago and
proclaimed himself to be the Son of God. If I don't--I go to hell. This is
it--pure and simple (and stupid). Don't get me wrong, I like a lot of what
Jesus said and I love parts of the Bible. It is in my heart and will be
there forever. Having two college degrees and many years of teaching as a
professor at a Christian College and preaching in various churches on the
weekends, I can see from the words of Jesus that he was indeed a special
man...but 2000 years is a long time and a lot gets lost in the process. I
salute the deep love that Christians over the years have had for this
"Christ." So many were even willing to die for him and their
beliefs. (I am thinking of the 30,000 Chinese Christians in history that
chose death rather than simply step on a piece of paper with the name
Jesus inscribed on it.) I agree that some things are worth dying for. But
for me Jesus is not one of them. Jesus was a prison that I escaped from
and I want to record this and show the process.
But first I want to look the present Jesus of today. He
called himself the Son of God...we have a few details...2000 years old
stuff. He convinced 12 people and a few hundred others that he was indeed
the Savior promised in the Hebrew scriptures. But this is not new. Only a
few years back David Koresh had a whole compound of people convinced that
he was God and over a hundred perished with him at the Waco, Texas
compound. This (God) dummy could have saved all those people with just a
little compromise...but he had to have a bunch of people die just because
he thought he was God. I'm sure David Koresh had some good stuff in the
words he spoke. He certainly inspired those fanatical folks and reports
show him to be quite a sexual stud. He was a real "copulating"
God. But, if this deluded poophead could do this in our enlightened time,
why should I believe in this historical Jesus and his 2000 year old story?
I am surprised by the positive reaction in my heart to
anything anti-Jesus and anti-Church (Christian). I would much have
preferred a Jesus who grew old and wise like a Buddha or Mohammed. He was
only 33 when he died. I didn't even start thinking for myself until I was
almost 40. I followed the Christian herd like all the rest of them until I
finally exploded from lack of sex and support from my "once a week is
more than enough" wife. I see lots of confident young men running
things now...but to really know life you have to have experience. Thirty
years is just not enough time. I resent having to believe in a young man
who was only thirty three at his death. But believe I must or I am going
to hell according to current fundamentalists beliefs. Hell is a place
where you will burn forever. Who wouldn't want to avoid such a place? I
sure would. But Hell is not a logical or valid concept. Burning in hell
for sins committed in a brief lifetime of seventy years or so seems
grossly unfair. But, if the powers that be (or rather were) wanted to keep
the Christian herd in line, what better way than to threaten them with a
nebulous Hell-fire?
I recall as a young and naive Christian ministerial
student going out on the weekends to talk to people about Christ and to do
my best to save them from this burning Hell. I also recall a pretty young
speech professor at our Christian University giving our group of ministers
a graphic reading of people walking off a cliff and falling into the
burning fires of hell. All that stood between them and hell was us
Christians who had to reach out and prevent as many as possible from
falling into hell fire. Her performance was met with a genuine
appreciation and acceptance. But that's one heavy burden for a young man
to carry. We were the only hope for those people. We were sent out
weekends to hand out tracts to people on the street telling them how to be
saved. I never like doing this. I soon discarded it for less dramatic ways
of reaching the UNSAVED. This was the small beginning...I followed my
heart. It said I don't like handing out tract and being a "fool for
Christ's sake." One of the teaching tools at that time was a saying
often repeated about a man who carried a sign saying, "I'm a fool for
Christ's sake, whose fool are you?" Now I have enough strength of
character, to say "Let him be his own fool." I cannot follow
this distorted Jesus.
But lets go back to the Hell concept. What would be
fair? And all religions teach us (and I believe) that God is eminently
fair. But the Jesus followers say that you are going to hell if you don't
know Jesus no matter what. If you are a murderer--off you go. This fits
even a 16 year old teenager who goes along for the ride with a kid who is
drinking; there is a wreck and he is killed...off he goes too. He has not
done much of anything wrong. He hasn't been around long enough to do much
wrong, but off he goes--straight to Hell. Do not pass Go. Do not collect a
harp and mansion.
Suppose we had a jury of a mans peers set up to decide
every man's punishment according to all the deeds he had done and all the
thoughts he had had. Suppose God himself allowed this special jury to
exist. How many life sentences would they give to a murderer? So, if the
average life span is 70 or so...the maximum for even the most gross life
deeds would be not more than 5 x 70 or so I would think. Even the most
vile person would scarcely be given more that 70 times 70 lifetimes as the
absolute maximum sentence and certainly not to a burning hell for all
those years. There is a little Biblical pun here...70 time 70 is the term
describing Jesus' ideal of human forgiveness. But a loving God casts them
all into Hell fire forever and ever and ever? I think not.
How can Christians assign people to hell so easily?
Part of it is religious arrogance (a sort of unconscious hidden pride, I
think)..."We know God and you don't type of thing...we have the
inside track on God." Furthermore, Christians have this "All are
sinners and need salvation" angle well covered with the Original Sin
concept. It basically says "In Adam's Fall, we sinned all." So
we all start out as sinners and need a savior. Enter Jesus. Oh, by the
way, can I be a Christian and not believe in the Original Sin concept? I
sure can't handle it now. To me it is the tool the church uses to keep
people in bondage.
Now the question becomes--does the man believe in Jesus
just because he wants to escape Hell, or because he is "CHA"
(covering his ass). But hey, for the simple act of going forward in church
and maybe even going through the ritual of getting baptized, one gets an
insurance policy against Hell and with a side benefit of a ticket directly
into heaven. Not a bad investment for a CHA person. How does God count
this obvious "manipulation" of the system? Do surface Christians
squeeze through the Pearly Gates just barely?
What does it mean to "believe" in Christ? I
have asked this question often. My Christian relatives and many ministers
I know always quote Scripture..."Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and
Thou shalt be saved." This is what the Apostle Paul said to the
frightened jailkeeper when an earthquake hit and all the doors flew open.
And the man did too...he took Paul and Silas and bound up their wounds and
was very grateful. I don't blame him. Any man in his right mind would have
believed and behaved the way he did in such circumstances. But how does
one believe in, on ,or around this Jesus?
Do I have to believe in Original sin to be saved?
Do I have to believe in the Trinity to be saved?
Do I have to believe in the Apostles' Creed?
Do I have to believe in the Virgin Birth?
Can I believe that Mary fooled around and the result
was Jesus?
Can I believe in a special place called Hades like
the Catholics do?
Can I be a member of the Irish IRA Catholics who
believe in terrorism.?
Can I be a Communist?
Does God take in account a person's environment and
parental teachings?
Do I have to be baptized ? (The Church of Christ out
of Abeline, Texas believes you must be baptized in their Church in order
to be saved)?
At what IQ level am I exempt from Hell?
Do children who die go to hell? (Christians have a
special exemption here, but if there is one exemption why can't there be
more?)
Do I have to believe in Pro-life?
Do I have to believe in monogamy?
Can I be a Mormon/Christian? a Buddhist/Christian?
Can I be a Christian/homosexual? Bi-sexual? Lesbian?
Can I be a Christian whore? (I have met some ladies
of the evening who were a lot more compassionate than many Christians I
know; moreover, didn't Jesus associate with them?)
Can I worship my ancestors and believe in Jesus too?
Can I believe also in evolution?
Can I be a Christian nudist?
Can I believe in Free Love?
Do I get extra credit if I believe that Jesus was a
human being that existed 2000 years ago but not God?
How about, if I believe he was god with a small g?
What if I believe that he was on the level of a son
of god like Buddha must have been.
What about all those folks born before Christ came?
There was a bunch of them. Will Socrates be in heaven or Hell?
The Christian reply to all the folks BC (Before Christ)
is that they are under a different "dispensation." They didn't
know it yet, but Jesus died for them. So people with God in their hearts
and deeds got into heaven with a special pass--under a special
dispensation. Now we shift to the AD area. After Jesus' death all people
had to get into heaven through him. He took over the keys to the kingdom.
Was there a transition period? Does the belief in Jesus thing fit the
first 200 years AD? Or does it take effect when Constantine set up
Christianity as the religion of the empire? Prior to Columbus we had a
whole half of the world that existed AD and had never heard of Jesus. I
have pinned down several old ministers on this and they all say "If
they live up to the light that is shown to them, they will be saved."
(quoting from the Old Testament) This "Light" is a bit of a
slippery and wobbly thing. How do you define light...how much light? Would
a spark do? Does belief in the Great Spirit count? Will the American
Indians get into heaven?
I simply cannot see how a rational man can believe in a
"Jesus or else" type of religious dogma. I think Jesus would be
very embarrassed to see what his followers teach today as
"Gospel."
But lets return to the Hell thing again. If we take it
that all men are sinners...Hey I can buy that partially--we all goof
plenty in our lifetime, but I like the term mistakes better than sins. So
why are all sinners assigned to a burning Hell automatically if they don't
believe in Jesus? Or is Jesus like David Koresh who let his followers burn
to death with him because he thought he was God? My figures are rough, but
some 3/4ths of this present world is non-Christian. Lets say that 1/4 of
the world is Christian. Now of that 1/4th, about half don't go to church
much and then quite a few of those that do, just do it out of duty. Then
we get into all the many churches believing different creeds and
doctrines? If all these churches can't agree on doctrine, why should I
trust its ministers to show me the way to heaven? Can a man be a total
"Jackass" (murderer, etc.) and get into heaven if he believes in
Jesus on his deathbed? Why can't we just believe that Jesus died for the
sins of the whole world...and include everybody so that there is universal
salvation for all races, creeds and colors? I could handle Jesus a lot
better if he did it once for all, for those in the past, present and
future and it was a finished thing and everybody got a piece of it. Why is
salvation so limited (according to the church)?
In my years of study for the ministry which included
many college Bible courses including 3 years of Greek Bible language, I
noticed that after the bachelors level (and by the way it seems to me that
most of those dogmatic dummies who preach the "going to Hell
message" barely have a bachelors degree) ...that the scholars began
to be more broad in their views. The men that really knew the Biblical
languages and whose business was to study the Scriptures diligently,
became more and more broad. I recall my amazement on reading the statement
of one such famous Biblical Scholar who stated words to the effect that
there would be a lot more people in heaven than we ever imagined.
Will a Christian who commits suicide go to heaven? Is
it possible that God could have a second Son...? Why only one? Wouldn't
the world be better if there were many sons of God. Why should the Creator
limit himself to one. Are there other worlds besides ours out there in
Space? And If there were, would they get to heaven? Or will they be
treated on the dog and cat level of once dead and that is it...no heaven
and no hell?
"One cannot question God and God's hidden
purposes"... thus sayeth the Church, but this is another Church
baloney dogma. This is the same Church that has proved itself to be
totally wrong in the past. No wonder they don't like to question God. Why
didn't God wait another 2000 years now that we have satellite TV and the
Internet and have Jesus come during this age. Why do it the hard way?
I went to counseling to a Christian counselor with my
wife not long ago. I have been to many counselors and all this time my
very Christian wife has taken the view that something is wrong with
"him." Since she distrusts psychiatrists and counselors outside
her Church box, I suggested we go to one of her own counselors. The
counselor listened and questioned me about my beliefs. Then he proclaimed
to my wife that I was now a non-believer and she did not have to live with
me unless she wanted to. She had been quite unsupportative for most of our
marriage and all in the name of Christianity. This was a big shock to her.
We still live together...and rather happily in spite of the fact that our
philosophy is so different.
My son thinks I am going to hell. He has followed his
mother's path of fundamental Christianity and has become a fundamentalist
minister (much to my regret.) Perhaps he will grow out of it as I did. I
was just like him at his age. I love him. I honor where he is at. I hope
he gets past it.
Is it any wonder that I may be a little hard on this
Jesus. Hey, I don't like the one they talk about in the Churches, but I do
somewhat like the one in the Bible without all the baloney surrounding
him. Do I want him as my savior? No thank you.
A thought I had recently--Does my prayer to God count?
Are my daily prayers for my family and other personal needs wasted because
only the people who pray to the God who is the father of Jesus Christ have
their prayers heard? This is extremeness and arrogance. I asked my son
what he thought...and got the expected answer that "God does not hear
the prayers of an unbeliever" (such as I.) I asked him, "Then
son, should I cease praying sincerely in my own way for God to bless you
and your family (as I do every single day)since my prayers are
wasted?" (no answer)
Why is God so limited? Does God hear the prayers of
children? It's very much like saying "Your money doesn't count
because it is in British pounds instead of US dollars." I'm sure God
has a conversion table...one that measures the heart attitude.
Well, that's it. Thanks for listening.